"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
