guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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