Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
