I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
