so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
