You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
