I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
