some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
