So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
