I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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