And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Be still, my beating vagina.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
