He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
