oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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