he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
