I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
