thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
