Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
