im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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