it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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