if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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