Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
