what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
