Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
