So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
