HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
