Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I did not marry a roomba.
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