idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
