please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
