i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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