just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
