I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
