My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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