hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
