White coat. Heels.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
