Just cropdusted the office
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
