My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
