sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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