Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
