My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hate all girls vehemently.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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