I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
