I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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