3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
