he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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