nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize