Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
