I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
