Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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