Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
