i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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