i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
