She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
