I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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