You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
