if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
