How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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