Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
