she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My feet surprised me
Randomize
