God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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