Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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