new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
