Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
