So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
