God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
