I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
