dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
