This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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