Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
