i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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