She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
