i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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