Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
