He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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