u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
