She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
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I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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