Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
