my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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