I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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