So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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