I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think I sprained my soul last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
