So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize