So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
