Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
